Recap from 2016 until today
Wow hello.
It sure has been awhile.
It's been almost 3 years since i last wrote.
A lot of things have changed. And when I said "a lot", it's really, a lot.
But wow, what have I been doing with my life, what have i been up to that i never felt like going back to my blog to write. (even tho no one reads it).
I think I kinda know the answer??
Life happened.
Cause u know, September 2016 was my first semester of 3rd year. I was probably caught up with my studies.
That semester was also the first time i failed my exams. Not even one paper, but TWO PAPERS.
Then it was my second semester of my 3rd year. And that was when things started to get real.
Cause that was the semester that I first started my clinicals.
Okay from that, u know thats how i got really busy (busy sleeping, really) and just totally abandoned my blog.
Anyway, I care about updating my blog because i write for myself.
I feel better in some ways when i write. It's like I'm talking to someone but I'm really not.
I might have included a link to my blog in my instagram profile (which I have deactivated) - so some people might know about this blog and might even read it sometimes.
But now, it's really just for me. Cause the link is not up anywhere. So I can tell u, I'm the only one who reads it. For fun.
Also, I have 2 case-writeups (where i have to write notes on patient's admission until discharge).
U can imagine how much that is to write. And it's writing, not even typing.
BUT i don't know why, of all times, i choose NOW to update my blog.
Well, if u know me, u know I'm a terribly great procrastinator. :)
Okay now back to the recapping of what had happened for the last 2 years.
So after I was done with my third year, it was the summer. But i couldn't go anywhere (as in go holiday anywhere) cause i had to study for my repeat papers.
Oh, but I did go to Tioman Island to visit my brother and his girlfriend, Irfa (now his wife), then i went again with my mom, then i went again with B.
So, in total - 3 times.
I had fun. Lots of fun. Especially when i came the first time to visit Harris and Irfa.
It was during Ramadan and near Raya and their boss was nice enough to let me have 4 dives for free!
That was just a fortune to me. Cause diving in Tioman is actually sort of expensive (well, at least to me it is). One dive is over rm70.
And it was summer. And i'm broke EVERY summer. :)
So, the money my dad gave me to pay for my dives was like extra extra. I was really happy, man.
It's like when u thought u were super broke but it turns out that ure not.
Okay, then it was fourth year.
Fourth year, as said by almost every senior in my medical school, is a killer year.
It's the toughest year they say. But a part of me refuses to believe that.
Fourth year was really fun. Like really, reaaaaally fun. Until the final exams.....
Our 4th year final exams was no joke man. It was back-to-back every day from Monday to Friday. 2 days of break during the weekend and then Monday and Tuesday.
It was crazy. Having to go through 4th year and having exams every 6 weeks was already so damn tiring. And then, at the end of all the 5 postings, u have final exam for every posting.
And on top of that, it was being arranged day after another.
I don't know how i studied and how i passed. I really don't.
Well, final year is said to be easier because we don't have too many subjects to study for. Only Medicine, Surgery and well a little bit of Orthopaedics. lol.
But idk man, I somehow feel like fourth year was more survivable.
Even though it was the year that my mental health slowly begin to shatter.
But i managed to pick myself up and fix the broken pieces.
Okay so I finished my 4th year. Again, didn't go anywhere during the summer.
Just spent most time at home. But it wasn't boring. Cause i had nephews by then.
OH WAIT, how can i forget the most important thing that happened in the last 2 years?!?!?!
My first nephew, Ali Uwais, was born in December 2017. He's now turning 1 year 1 month in 2 days!!!
And my second nephew, Umar Khalifa was born in May 2018. Just before the election haha.
He's now gonna be 9 months in 8 days. He was in the ICU when he was born because of some labour complications. It was really sad but we all managed to get through it. Big shoutout to the parents especially, for going through such a challenge. Not only that, he also had a urinary tract infection at 2 weeks old and had to be treated with antibiotics until he was 6 months old.
U can imagine how hard it is for my brother and his wife.
But thank God, he is all good now, free from infection.
Hopefully, he will remain healthy forever.
Sooooo, what else?
Well, thats basically it i think.
Currently, I'm in my final year. 3 more months to graduate and become a doctor.
3 more months and I'm still having so many doubts about myself.
I have some self-esteem issues. B always gets blamed for it.
I feel sorry for him to have to put up with me. Most of the time, he doesn't do anything wrong. But it's just me u know. But of course, he is not like the typical boyfriend who wants to know about ur day everyday, who wants to give u a good morning/goodnight text, who wants to call u just to hear ur voice everyday. But, he's everything i need.
My wants don't really matter.
He's there when I'm sad and low and feel shit about myself. I know he would drop whatever that he's doing just to be there for me. He's that kind of guy.
How do I know? Cause we were friends before we got together.
And he would do anything if he really cares about u.
Well, thats pretty much the point of a relationship. Not to be just lovers, but also best friends.
I sometimes like it that he treats me more like a friend instead of a girlfriend because I know he's a great friend. I'd kill to have a friend like him and I'm not even exaggerating.
But also, sometimes I may get a bit needy, or maybe too needy, especially when it's the time of the month. Sometimes i do want all the small things that mainstream people do u know (take his time to know about my day, text me first, or even call me, or simply just say he loves me out of the blue). I want that, sometimes. Not all the time.
I told him this. So he does exactly this. He does all these cliche shit SOMETIMES. hahaha.
In a way, it's probably why we could still be with each other until now (it's been 2 years plus now) (I've never even imagined myself in a relationship lasting more than 5 months lol), even though we annoy the fuck out of each other most times.
But he makes me feel special from time to time and that's what i like about him and our relationship.
Having all this said, Ive always hoped that I'm not just some girl he knew, who used to be important. I know someday, things between us are going to end. Cause u know, the future etc. (We actually broke up once in October 2017 because of this future issue. Funny thing is that I didnt even know we were a couple and me wanting to end things with him was a breakup. Because up to that point, I was pretty much clueless if we were actually a couple or not. Don't ask me why.)
But, on top of all that, i hope i would still be someone important in his life when this ends. And he, in mine too.
Also, because of my self-esteem issues, I just somehow feel like he's out of my league.
Why would he even be with a girl like me? This, sometimes makes me feel like he only chooses to be with me because there's no one better right now. But, this is mainly because of my self-esteem issues.
Well, u can't blame me. The girl he used to like, A LOT, graduated from LSE. And she is very pretty. Effortlessly pretty. From what I heard from him, she sounds like a really nice and genuine girl.
Anyway, if he did end up with her or at least a girl like her, I would be happy for him.
Cause u know if u love someone, u would be happy for them even though their happiness doesn't involve u.
Right?
Okay, i think I've said enough.
Wait. Actually, I haven't.
But i have work to do.
So, next is about my doubts of becoming a doctor.
Till then.
It sure has been awhile.
It's been almost 3 years since i last wrote.
A lot of things have changed. And when I said "a lot", it's really, a lot.
But wow, what have I been doing with my life, what have i been up to that i never felt like going back to my blog to write. (even tho no one reads it).
I think I kinda know the answer??
Life happened.
Cause u know, September 2016 was my first semester of 3rd year. I was probably caught up with my studies.
That semester was also the first time i failed my exams. Not even one paper, but TWO PAPERS.
Then it was my second semester of my 3rd year. And that was when things started to get real.
Cause that was the semester that I first started my clinicals.
Okay from that, u know thats how i got really busy (busy sleeping, really) and just totally abandoned my blog.
Anyway, I care about updating my blog because i write for myself.
I feel better in some ways when i write. It's like I'm talking to someone but I'm really not.
I might have included a link to my blog in my instagram profile (which I have deactivated) - so some people might know about this blog and might even read it sometimes.
But now, it's really just for me. Cause the link is not up anywhere. So I can tell u, I'm the only one who reads it. For fun.
Also, I have 2 case-writeups (where i have to write notes on patient's admission until discharge).
U can imagine how much that is to write. And it's writing, not even typing.
BUT i don't know why, of all times, i choose NOW to update my blog.
Well, if u know me, u know I'm a terribly great procrastinator. :)
Okay now back to the recapping of what had happened for the last 2 years.
So after I was done with my third year, it was the summer. But i couldn't go anywhere (as in go holiday anywhere) cause i had to study for my repeat papers.
Oh, but I did go to Tioman Island to visit my brother and his girlfriend, Irfa (now his wife), then i went again with my mom, then i went again with B.
So, in total - 3 times.
I had fun. Lots of fun. Especially when i came the first time to visit Harris and Irfa.
It was during Ramadan and near Raya and their boss was nice enough to let me have 4 dives for free!
That was just a fortune to me. Cause diving in Tioman is actually sort of expensive (well, at least to me it is). One dive is over rm70.
And it was summer. And i'm broke EVERY summer. :)
So, the money my dad gave me to pay for my dives was like extra extra. I was really happy, man.
It's like when u thought u were super broke but it turns out that ure not.
Okay, then it was fourth year.
Fourth year, as said by almost every senior in my medical school, is a killer year.
It's the toughest year they say. But a part of me refuses to believe that.
Fourth year was really fun. Like really, reaaaaally fun. Until the final exams.....
Our 4th year final exams was no joke man. It was back-to-back every day from Monday to Friday. 2 days of break during the weekend and then Monday and Tuesday.
It was crazy. Having to go through 4th year and having exams every 6 weeks was already so damn tiring. And then, at the end of all the 5 postings, u have final exam for every posting.
And on top of that, it was being arranged day after another.
I don't know how i studied and how i passed. I really don't.
Well, final year is said to be easier because we don't have too many subjects to study for. Only Medicine, Surgery and well a little bit of Orthopaedics. lol.
But idk man, I somehow feel like fourth year was more survivable.
Even though it was the year that my mental health slowly begin to shatter.
But i managed to pick myself up and fix the broken pieces.
Okay so I finished my 4th year. Again, didn't go anywhere during the summer.
Just spent most time at home. But it wasn't boring. Cause i had nephews by then.
OH WAIT, how can i forget the most important thing that happened in the last 2 years?!?!?!
My first nephew, Ali Uwais, was born in December 2017. He's now turning 1 year 1 month in 2 days!!!
And my second nephew, Umar Khalifa was born in May 2018. Just before the election haha.
He's now gonna be 9 months in 8 days. He was in the ICU when he was born because of some labour complications. It was really sad but we all managed to get through it. Big shoutout to the parents especially, for going through such a challenge. Not only that, he also had a urinary tract infection at 2 weeks old and had to be treated with antibiotics until he was 6 months old.
U can imagine how hard it is for my brother and his wife.
But thank God, he is all good now, free from infection.
Hopefully, he will remain healthy forever.
Sooooo, what else?
Well, thats basically it i think.
Currently, I'm in my final year. 3 more months to graduate and become a doctor.
3 more months and I'm still having so many doubts about myself.
I have some self-esteem issues. B always gets blamed for it.
I feel sorry for him to have to put up with me. Most of the time, he doesn't do anything wrong. But it's just me u know. But of course, he is not like the typical boyfriend who wants to know about ur day everyday, who wants to give u a good morning/goodnight text, who wants to call u just to hear ur voice everyday. But, he's everything i need.
My wants don't really matter.
He's there when I'm sad and low and feel shit about myself. I know he would drop whatever that he's doing just to be there for me. He's that kind of guy.
How do I know? Cause we were friends before we got together.
And he would do anything if he really cares about u.
Well, thats pretty much the point of a relationship. Not to be just lovers, but also best friends.
I sometimes like it that he treats me more like a friend instead of a girlfriend because I know he's a great friend. I'd kill to have a friend like him and I'm not even exaggerating.
But also, sometimes I may get a bit needy, or maybe too needy, especially when it's the time of the month. Sometimes i do want all the small things that mainstream people do u know (take his time to know about my day, text me first, or even call me, or simply just say he loves me out of the blue). I want that, sometimes. Not all the time.
I told him this. So he does exactly this. He does all these cliche shit SOMETIMES. hahaha.
In a way, it's probably why we could still be with each other until now (it's been 2 years plus now) (I've never even imagined myself in a relationship lasting more than 5 months lol), even though we annoy the fuck out of each other most times.
But he makes me feel special from time to time and that's what i like about him and our relationship.
Having all this said, Ive always hoped that I'm not just some girl he knew, who used to be important. I know someday, things between us are going to end. Cause u know, the future etc. (We actually broke up once in October 2017 because of this future issue. Funny thing is that I didnt even know we were a couple and me wanting to end things with him was a breakup. Because up to that point, I was pretty much clueless if we were actually a couple or not. Don't ask me why.)
But, on top of all that, i hope i would still be someone important in his life when this ends. And he, in mine too.
Also, because of my self-esteem issues, I just somehow feel like he's out of my league.
Why would he even be with a girl like me? This, sometimes makes me feel like he only chooses to be with me because there's no one better right now. But, this is mainly because of my self-esteem issues.
Well, u can't blame me. The girl he used to like, A LOT, graduated from LSE. And she is very pretty. Effortlessly pretty. From what I heard from him, she sounds like a really nice and genuine girl.
Anyway, if he did end up with her or at least a girl like her, I would be happy for him.
Cause u know if u love someone, u would be happy for them even though their happiness doesn't involve u.
Right?
Okay, i think I've said enough.
Wait. Actually, I haven't.
But i have work to do.
So, next is about my doubts of becoming a doctor.
Till then.
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